1. |
We Sat On The Porch
02:22
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you broke up with me in a text message. I don't resent you, you're stronger than me. I wish I knew what was good for me, what would make me happy, we both know that its complicated. I swear I love you. I'm not the best person at showing it, I'm not the best person I know it. Everything in life is a tragedy, and that makes it beautiful. Make something with all the shit around you. Our hearts will grow stronger, our skin will get tougher, if we lose one another. I swear I love you. I'm not the best person at showing it, I'm not the best person I know it. Please don't close your door on me, I am the same person now I was before. You say I take what I need. Well, when did that become a bad thing. You broke up with me in a text message. I broke up with the shape of your mouth. We sat on the porch and then you walked away and I called out your name you said "fuck you, I'm leaving". I'm sorry; I can't love you that way. And I swear I love you, I'm not the best person at showing it, I'm not the best person I know it.
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2. |
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I was at the movies alone, I was sittin' in the back row thinkin as that first kiss flashed across the screen how I'd never been a Teenage Girl, and what the hell does it mean to be a woman when your girlhood was defined by a bunch of boys who denied your emotions? (Guess we're pretty similar...) I remember I was 8 years old, showering with the lights off. I was hoping that the heat would change my body (I didn't know! I didn't know!) that I was already whole, and it was everybody else who couldn't see. 'Cause they weren't fuckin ready. Well are you fucking ready? I'm gonna be a teenage girl next time, teenage girl next I'm gonna be a teenage girl next time. Sucking each other off with your stepdad in the next room. What the hell were we thinking? That asshole would have slit our throats. But what the fuck did he know about how a secret girl finds relief giving head to her best friend like it was something to believe in? We needed something to believe in. We were always wishing, we had something....
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3. |
Chew The Fat
02:11
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I don't wanna be a bad friend anymore, I don't wanna be a bad friend to you. I don't wanna be a bad friend to anyone, anymore, but especially not to you. In my head I'm not as bad at this. Jar of coins, been saving up for you. I never talk about what hurts. Store it in the fat til December-- rations for a long winter. Chew through February, feeling secondary. I don't wanna be a bad friend anymore, I don't wanna be a bad friend to you. I don't wanna be a bad friend to anyone, anymore, but especially not to you, but especially not to you.
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4. |
Hands In Fists
02:07
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Even though its hard to say, and I wish it weren't the case its hard for me to be happy for you. All these distant memories, they're stuck to me, they're in my bloodstream. The glue I've laid between the bricks, the foundation to the walls I've built. The very shit that keeps me feeling, something like a normal human, something like a mass of nerves, a moth against a burning bulb. Someone told me, we keep our hands in fists, we've done it since we were little kids. We do it to protect ourselves, we do it without even thinking. Sometimes people die, you can't remember what they look like. You feel like shit, but you don't know if you want to see their face at night. Even though its hard to say, and I wish it weren't the case, we've just gone our separate ways. Its hardest when we're face to face, pretending like its not the case. You can't ignore the lightning, it will strike down anyway. Someone told me, we keep our hands in fists, we've done it since we were little kids. We do it to protect ourselves, we do it without even thinking.
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5. |
Grinding My Teeth
03:16
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I've got my red dress on, I am ready for the fluorescent lights. The vacations over, that is for sure and I'll just nest here, I'll just be alone now alone now alone now alone now. And I have got a room inside a house, with my own door and my own head space, and heart ache, and bed frame and its the same as the room that my best friend had when she lived here. We got off the phone a minute ago and I just miss her, I just miss her so much. There's subtle releases all of the time. There's pages and pages of insecure girls. And I have been waiting for twenty four years, its useless. I'll just walk through the river. Its pulling me down. Its giving me weight. Its carving the entry to the next fucking place. I'm clenching my jaw. I'm counting the stakes. I'm giving you nothing. The shots are all blank.
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